DEAR DEIDRE: GETTING old needn’t be depressing, but I’d love to have sex with my wife again before I get too old and lose the ability.
My wife rarely allows me to have sex with her unless it is ‘a special occasion’. She’s 62 and I’m 64. We’ve been together a long time but my love for her has never changed.
We both keep fit. She’s never been with another man apart from me, to my knowledge.
She had a strict upbringing and was an only child.
I always want sex and I try to make her feel good but I can count on one hand the number of times she has initiated it. The answer is four – when she wanted to get pregnant.
We have two grown-up kids.
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I regard myself as a very attentive and talented lover who is always more interested in her pleasure than mine.
I’ve tried for over 30 years for something to spark her sexually but nothing has changed. I love the bones of her but I’m so scared I will die a frustrated and unhappy man.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: My guess is that her upbringing has completely tarnished the way she thinks about sex. Sadly, she’s never felt liberated enough to fully understand how wonderful a good sex life can be.
Her parents may have been religious and felt that sex was only for procreation and that ‘good girls’ were never supposed to enjoy sex.
Sex may have been thought of as a taboo subject or dirty in some way. These moral principles are hard to shift.
It is unlikely she is going to change now but she may allow intimacy to resume in other ways – with massage and kissing and touch – if you talk to her about how much you love her and miss having this as part of your lives.
My support pack on Sex Therapy will show you where to find professional guidance to help.
