My partner constantly talks about her ex and it worries me

DEAR DEIDRE: THERE isn’t a week that goes by without my partner mentioning her ex, even though they’ve been apart for over a decade.

I feel as though I’m so much more invested in our relationship than she is.

I’m 42 and my partner’s 39. We have been together for two years. She has kept all the numerous posts and pictures of her ex on social media, while there is only one of us together.

She continues to own a house with him even though he moved away years ago.

She has done nothing to sell the house. She still argues with him in exactly the same way as she’s always done.

She half-heartedly blocked him on WhatsApp but they still contact each other on social media. 

He and his family constantly come up in our conversations. She has been telling me for weeks that she doesn’t have any money.

I’ve helped her out and had no issue paying for things. It then transpired that she had a few thousand pounds she could draw upon at any time.

I’ve asked her to be open and transparent with me, so I actually feel as though I’m a part of her daily life and not just a weekend boyfriend but it never happens.

If I ask her what she’s been doing she becomes defensive and accuses me of being controlling. 

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DEIDRE SAYS: Your feelings are understandable.  They share history, but she’s giving him the time and attention she should be giving to your relationship.

Tell her how you feel and ask her to reassure you. Perhaps you can also ask if she could spend less time talking to her ex, and more with you.

My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, may help you to chat to her without making her defensive.

A caring partner will acknowledge your concerns and try to work with you to set boundaries with her ex.