DEAR DEIDRE: THERE’S absolutely no bond between my mum and I, and it really upsets me.
Last time I asked if I could come home to visit her for a few days, she told me it wasn’t convenient.
I’m female, 28, and she’s 58.
We’ve never got on well, even when I was a child. Although she wasn’t abusive, she was always cold and unaffectionate.
It felt like she was doing her duty as a mother, rather than caring for me out of love.
When I finally moved out of the family home, at 25, she packed up every single one of my belongings into black bin liners, like she was putting out the rubbish.
She seemed glad to be rid of me.
Many of my friends are really close to their mums – some even say their mum is their best friend – so it hurts that my mum and I are so distant.
Sometimes, she seems angry at me and I don’t know why.
How can I improve our relationship?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Sadly, becoming a parent doesn’t automatically make someone a warm, loving person. It’s sad your mum wasn’t able to give you the love you deserve.
But it’s not your fault. Perhaps your mother is unhappy or unfulfilled or even jealous – it would explain her anger.
Sometimes a parent holds a grudge if they have negative feelings about the other parent and the child may remind them of those emotions.
For more advice and a sympathetic ear, contact Family Lives (familylives.org.uk, tel:0808 800 2222).
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