DEAR DEIDRE: I WAS gutted to find out that the son I’ve been raising for six years is not mine after my ex had sex on a hen weekend.
Now my ex has introduced the boy to his biological father and stopped me from seeing him. I’m devastated – I don’t care if he isn’t mine, I have a strong bond with him and love him.
I’m 40 and my ex is 35. We weren’t ever married, and split up just over a year ago.
It was a nasty breakup and shortly after, she told me the child I’d loved since he was born wasn’t my son after all.
I thought she was lying to hurt me, so I got a DNA test done.
My ex got pregnant soon after we met and I never doubted he was my boy. He even looks like me.
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But the test proved that I couldn’t be the father after all. I was so gutted, I fell apart for a while.
At first, my ex let me see him regularly, but then she said I had no right as he isn’t mine.
She stopped my mum and dad and sister seeing him too. They are all in bits.
His little cousin keeps asking why he isn’t around.
I got a solicitor and have been fighting for access ever since.
I know he’s now met his biological dad but, from what I’ve heard, this guy wants nothing to do with him.
What keeps me awake at night is thinking he believes we’ve all abandoned him and that I don’t love him.
I don’t know if he’s been told I’m not his real dad. What would that do to him?
How can I learn to cope with this? And how can I build a relationship with my little boy, even if we don’t share DNA?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
Deidre says:
What your ex has done is unimaginably cruel, both to you and to her child.
It’s in his best interests to maintain a loving relationship with you, the man who he thinks of as a father, and with his grandparents and wider family.
Being a dad is, as you say, about far more than DNA.
You say you’re fighting for access. If you need more advice and support, please contact Families need Fathers (fnf.org.uk, tel: 0300 0300 363).
You can find further advice through Family Lives (www.familylives.org.uk, tel: 0808 800 2222).
Do consider having counselling. My support pack about this will tell you more.
