A MUM has left people heartbroken after revealing the reason she blames herself for her partner of 17 years’ affair.
She explained that her husband – to whom she had been married for seven years – was her “best friend”, and she thought they were “happy”.
A woman has shared how she was left heartbroken when she discovered her partner of 17 years was cheating on her[/caption]
After he became very secretive on his phone, she then found out he’d been unfaithful to her with someone 200 miles away[/caption]
“We had been on our little one’s first holiday abroad just months before he left,” she added.
But she slowly started “noticing changes” in his behaviour, such as him becoming “very secretive” and disappearing for “whole weekends, blocking my number and leaving me to care for our child and dog alone”.
“He would speak to me horribly and treated me awfully, which was completely unlike him,” she continued in the post on Mumsnet.
She eventually discovered that he was seeing someone 200 miles way, and had been “writing love letters to her, sending her sex toys and taking her on trips to the theatre”.
When she confronted him, he told her he “didn’t love me anymore and he was leaving”.
“When I was at work one day, he moved out all his stuff and left,” she added.
While the events unfolded a year ago, she admitted it had “completely broken” her, and she doesn’t think she’ll “ever understand it”.
“Deep down, I know I blame myself because I feel like I somehow caused it,” she added.
“I have a stressful job and I found first time parenting during a pandemic overwhelming.”
She’s now found someone new herself, but has been struggling with whether or not she’s “ready” to move on from the past.
“He’s so lovely and so patient and understanding but I keep doubting it,” she admitted.
“Not because of him I don’t think but because I’m still healing and I’m not sure I can go through another heartbreak like it.”
After her husband’s affair, she had resigned herself to “staying alone”, and “didn’t expect to feel this way about someone so soon”.
And now she’s worrying about “hurting my ex, even though he seemingly didn’t care about my feelings at all”, as well as worrying that she’s ” still in love with my ex husband and that it’s not fair on the guy I’m seeing”.
“But then on the other hand I don’t want to punish myself forever for an affair I didn’t commit,” she concluded, asking if anyone had found themselves in a similar situation.
People were quick to offer their takes on the situation in the comments section, with one writing: “First of all, you did nothing to make your husband have an affair, that is all on him so you have no reason whatsoever to blame yourself…
Four red flags your partner is cheating
Private Investigator Aaron Bond from BondRees revealed four warning signs your partner might be cheating.
They start to take their phone everywhere with them
In close relationships, it’s normal to know each other’s passwords and use each other’s phones, if their phone habits change then they may be hiding something.
Aaron says: “If your partner starts changing their passwords, starts taking their phone everywhere with them, even around the house or they become defensive when you ask to use their phone it could be a sign of them not being faithful.”
“You should also look at how they place their phone down when not in use. If they face the phone with the screen facing down, then they could be hiding something.”
They start telling you less about their day
When partners cheat they can start to avoid you, this could be down to them feeling guilty or because it makes it easier for them to lie to you.
“If you feel like your partner has suddenly begun to avoid you and they don’t want to do things with you any more or they stop telling you about their day then this is another red flag.”
“Partners often avoid their spouses or tell them less about their day because cheating can be tough, remembering all of your lies is impossible and it’s an easy way to get caught out,” says Aaron.
Their libido changes
Your partner’s libido can change for a range of reasons so it may not be a sure sign of cheating but it can be a red flag according to Aaron.
Aaron says: “Cheaters often have less sex at home because they are cheating, but on occasions, they may also have more sex at home, this is because they feel guilty and use this increase in sex to hide their cheating. You may also find that your partner will start to introduce new things into your sex life that weren’t there before.”
They become negative towards you
Cheaters know that cheating is wrong and to them, it will feel good, this can cause tension and anxiety within themselves which they will need to justify.
“To get rid of the tension they feel inside they will try to convince themselves that you are the problem and they will become critical of you out of nowhere. Maybe you haven’t walked the dog that day, put the dishes away or read a book to your children before bedtime. A small problem like this can now feel like a big deal and if you experience this your partner could be cheating,” warns Aaron.
“You have said yourself that your new man is very patient and understanding, that is even more reason to take it slowly at your own pace.
“There’s no need to rush into anything and there’s no reason to break off your new relationship because it might turn out to be the best thing that’s happened to you for a long time.”
“Just continue to take it slowly,” another advised.
“A year on from a 17 year relationship is not a long time.
“I wouldn’t give up on the new man/relationship though. I’ve been dating on and off for a while and I’ve not experienced those feelings for anyone yet.
“I think it’s rare… and you can’t put life on hold forever.”
When she confronted him, he admitted he no longer loved her, and left[/caption]
