I’m sick of being bullied and belittled by my wife

DEAR DEIDRE: MY dad was a bully and drove me to alcoholism. Now my wife is bullying me.

I’ve not drunk a drop of alcohol since I got treated 20 years ago and I’m not going down that road again.

Whatever I do now, I get on my wife’s nerves. If I ask her which bin goes out, she gets angry. She belittles me in front of friends too.

We either have the big, shouting, melt-down, or days of her not speaking to me. I can’t stand much more of this.

We’ve been married for five years. Our kids are in their late teens now. My wife is 52 and I’m 58. 

I’m questioning why I married her at all but it was probably because she forced me into it.

She has recently demanded that I buy her a plane ticket so that she can go and see her sister in the States. She said I promised her – which I did – but that was before I was made redundant.

I told her I’d have to check our finances and that was met with a volcanic eruption and more abuse being slung my way. Now she’s not speaking again.

I think we might be done.

MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE

SO LOW

My in-laws won’t let me move on from my biggest regret

DEIDRE SAYS: Your relationship sounds abusive. Find a quiet moment to tell her that you can’t live like this.

The shouting or not speaking is damaging for the children and they may choose similar partners as they grow up as they’ll relate this to ‘normal’ family life.

Explain that from now on, she must treat you as she wishes to be treated and if she’s upset about something she should talk in a calm, adult manner.

If she starts to shout or belittle you from now on, walk away.

Explain that you feel at a crisis point and you’re going to find some emotional help. She may choose to go with you.

My support pack called Relationship MOT explains how to improve things and where to find a counsellor.