Make that quaint, clever and immensely cute.
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AUSSIE Shore has been thrown into chaos as one of its stars has quit after filming X-rated scenes.
Gabby chucked in the towel after just one day, having struggled living with her wild housemates.
The first two episodes of the Geordie Shore spin-off – that features Charlotte Crosby – has dropped on Paramount+ this week and they come with a graphic warning.
Set in a house share in Queensland, the show’s stars are all in their twenties and in their party prime.
Deciding it wasn’t for her, Gaby packed her bags and snuck out of the house while her co-stars were nursing hangovers from the night before.
Catia, 23, reveals the news after they wake up when she finds a letter from Gabby.
She croaks: “Oh my gosh.
“Everybody come here around the kitchen, come around the kitchen!”
She reads out the letter from Gabby, who wrote to them: “Dear everybody, it was heckers to meet you all.
“I thought it would be better to get the f**k out of here. I love you all. See you all later.”
Catia then tells the group: “I hate those types of goodbyes.”
The raunchy show left viewers gasping within minutes over explicit sex scenes and wild moments at the cast’s house parties.
Romps have included oral sex on camera, and women licking alcohol off each other in bikinis.
The first episode sees 11 housemates from across Oz move into a mansion in Cairns, Queensland, ready for a sizzling summer with Geordie Shore legend Charlotte Crosby as House Boss.
Within minutes wild child Lily is seen with cucumbers on her nipples “to keep them refreshed” before twerking without a bra on in a white shirt.
She later jumps in the shower with Con topless before the night even begins.
After flirting with Con, she mounts a different guy, Tom, on a pool floatie before passionately kissing him.
That doesn’t deter Con though, and later he and Lily disappear to the mansion’s ‘Shag Pad’ but are unable to get busy after drinking too much.
A teaser clip for the series ahead also sees two of the men engage in a sex act on a bunk bed – while one of their housemates attempts to sleep above.
Elsewhere, housemate Kyle, who describes himself as “probably gay… but a bit bisexual” gets to know blonde bombshell Catia in the pool.
“The sexiness in the pool, we were doing some dirty s**t,” he brags.
During a game of sex confessions earlier in the evening, Catia left an impression on the boys by discussing a sexual act she performed on an ex-boyfriend.
She then simulated what happened by throwing her legs up in the air and shocking the men in front of her.
This promises to only be the start of the sexual antics from the gang, who admit they’re struggling to talk about anything besides sex.
THE BOSS
Charlotte Crosby – a Geordie Shore OG, Charlotte is now the boss, who arrives at the house to set the gang on work tasks to earn money
THE GUYS
CALLUM – First seen on Love Island Australia and later I’m A Celebrity.
MANAAKI – A proud attention seeker, Manaki is ready to sh*g ‘everyone and anyone’
CON – A 27-year-old barber who takes pride in his appearance and loves winning over women with his charm
COOPER – A 27-year-old tattooed gym junkie who’s secretly big softie on the lookout for love
TOM – A farmer boy from the countryside of Victoria, Tom is not afraid to put himself out there and try and get his leg over
KYLE – The 25-year-old describes himself as “probably gay… but a bit bisexual”. He’s a court worker so is ready to let his hair down by the weekend
THE GIRLS
CATIA – a 23-year-old trainee personal trainer
NARDOS – a Perth law graduate whose idea of hell is hard labour
LEXIE – a 23-year-old pansexual party princess and content creator
LILY – A 21-year-old whose favourite feature is her natural boobs, which she believes help her be a hit with the boys
JAEDA – A 22-year-old who once managed to flirt her way into getting a ride home from a paramedic in an ambulance.
Speaking exclusively to The Sun about the new series, Charlotte said: “It’s 100% wilder. Me and Sophie [Kasaei] were watching it the other day, and we were watching it through our hands.
“That’s two people from Geordie Shore watching it through our hands. It’s a different level of wild. It’s shocking all the way through.”
Speaking of her new role, Charlotte said: “I left Geordie Shore and didn’t want to be involved in a show where you live and breathe drama, drunkenness and arguments. I just wasn’t about that anymore.
“When I got offered to be the Boss, I thought it was a great chance to still be involved in what I love and always done, but not be fully involved.”
Charlotte admitted being part of Aussie Shore was “nostalgic” but said it hasn’t made her want to return to the UK version.
“It was very nostalgic, every single moment I would walk in the house and there would just be mess everywhere, so many good memories would come flooding back, it was so nostalgic the whole way through,” she explained.
Aussie Shore continues Thursdays on Paramount+.
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A RUSSIAN Cold War submarine is up for sale – but buyers need deep pockets to cover its £1.5 million price tag.
The Foxtrot-class submarine, capable of holding 22 torpedoes, was decommissioned by the Soviets in 1993.
At 302ft long, the vessel once carried 12 officers, 10 warrant officers and 56 seamen while navigating the oceans.
It could go five days fully submerged in the water but was a bit of a squeeze with a beam of 25ft and draft of 17ft.
The sub could plunge down to almost 1,000ft below sea level and travel at a speed of 4 knots while cruising.
The communist invention, designed in the early 50s, played a big role as part of the Soviet Union’s underwater fleet.
The Russian Navy retired its last Foxtrot-class submarines in 2000.
Sellers on boat merchants Mysubmarines.com also list tourist and research submarines, alongside subsea scooters and subcrafts.
According to its website, “This Soviet era submarine currently requires minor refitting and is ready to deliver”.
It adds: “The model available for sale offers a unique opportunity to own a piece of naval history, providing insight into the life of submariners and the strategic military technology of the 20th century.”
The first Foxtrot class – also known as Project 641 – was commissioned in 1958.
The ships measured 295 feet and were powered by three Kolomna 2D42M diesel units of 2,000 horsepower output and three electric motors.
The Foxtrot class subs played a critical role in the Soviet Navy during the Cold War.
Four USSR Foxtrot-class diesel subs armed with nuclear weapons were deployed with one of them coming very close to launching a nuclear torpedo against US forces.
Washington and Moscow came to the brink of an all-out war when the captain of the Soviet sub mistakenly thought they were under attack.
Once he realised the US ships were actually signalling and not attacking he backed down.
One of the last active service vessels- the Zaporizhia- was captured by Russian forces during the 2014 annexation of Crimea.
