DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER I had sex with my dream man, he dismissed any chance of a relationship and cruelly said he only went to bed with me “to relieve the tension”.
He says he sees us as friends, which has left me feeling worthless.
I am 23, he is 24 and we met when he began working at the same supermarket as me.
My boss asked me to show him around and we got on brilliantly. There was a real spark between us.
At the end of his first week he kissed me and asked me out for a drink, but then he cancelled on me a couple of times.
I haven’t had much luck with men and have been on my own for a while.
I was beginning to think he was like all the other men I’ve dated but then he actually showed up.
After one drink we went back to his flat for a takeaway and a movie — and we also had sex. It was the best I have ever had.
I told him how much I liked him but that is when he told me he only saw me as a friend to have sex with. He added that he wasn’t sure if a relationship with me would work.
I was gutted but didn’t want to lose him so I agreed to being sex buddies. I have been in similar arrangements before but have never fallen so hard for the man.
This guy is just perfect.
So when he moved jobs and avoided me for a month, I was heartbroken.
When he finally called, I told him I felt like I wasn’t good enough for him, but he disagreed.
He then suggested we meet up again as sex buddies. I’ve said yes but my heart isn’t in it.
He is so special to me. Am I just wasting my time?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It would appear so. No man is perfect – it’s only your imagination of how he could be.
Please stop putting him on a pedestal – it’s so far from reality. Take a look at how he has treated you and what he has said he wants.
That is what he is really like, not the idealised version in your mind.
The longer you continue having sex with him, the deeper the wound will be.
He has been honest about what he’s looking for, now it’s time for you to be honest with yourself also.
Tell him that being so casual isn’t your scene after all. And unless he changes his approach quickly, you need to end this and move on.
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