HAVING an affair can quite literally tear a marriage apart – but cheating with a family member is even more explosive.
Which is exactly what 23-year-old Dan* found out, when he hooked up with his wife’s step-mum after drinking a bottle of tequila – while his wife and daughter were downstairs playing.
Dan*, who revealed they’d been married for five years and had one young daughter together, called a visibly shocked Dr John Delony on his YouTube chat show.
He asked: “How do me and my wife rebuild our marriage after I had a one night stand, or hook-up I guess, with her stepmother?”
‘Her top fell off’
Explaining exactly what happened, Dan* continued: “It’s a wild situation.
“We were all drinking together, we all got a bottle of tequila – the three of us, and then it was just me and her step-mum in her apartment.
“My wife went downstairs with the kids and they were swimming.
“[Her stepmum] was asleep on the couch and I was going to wake her up for a work call…
Bizarrely, he added: “When she woke up her top fell off – she was wearing a bikini – and she put it back on and I pursued after that.
“I sat her down and told [my wife]… It’s thrown my moral compass so off, because I always told my self I wasn’t [that kind] of person, I wouldn’t be able to do that.
“I’ve looked down on others who have done it.”
‘It’s the lowest thing you can do’
In response, Dr John says: “I can’t think of a more dishonouring thing you can do to someone, man.
“It’s the lowest thing you can do to somebody.”
Dan agrees, saying: “It was the biggest, dumbest decision I’ve ever made.”
“It’s been really, really hard. I’ve been trying hard to forgive myself.
“Me and my wife are cohabiting now. We’ve been civil.
“Our marriage wasn’t perfect by any means before obviously, otherwise this wouldn’t have even been close to happening.
A marriage blown apart
When asked if he thought his wife wanted to stay married or not, Dan replied: “She’s in limbo right now.
“We’ve been attached at the hip since we were 17.
“We really lost ourselves in our relationship.
“We got together real quick, then moved out of state and had a baby, all by 18, and our whole life was just each other and baby.
“It should not have happened, I’m not trying to make any excuse.
“I want my family more than anything and I understand I’ve blown that up.
“I just can’t [imagine] not coming home to my daughter every night and not coming home to my wife every night.
“I just can’t see life without them, I really can’t.”
Four red flags your partner is cheating
Private Investigator Aaron Bond from BondRees revealed four warning signs your partner might be cheating.
They start to take their phone everywhere with them
In close relationships, it’s normal to know each other’s passwords and use each other’s phones, if their phone habits change then they may be hiding something.
Aaron says: “If your partner starts changing their passwords, starts taking their phone everywhere with them, even around the house or they become defensive when you ask to use their phone it could be a sign of them not being faithful.”
“You should also look at how they place their phone down when not in use. If they face the phone with the screen facing down, then they could be hiding something.”
They start telling you less about their day
When partners cheat they can start to avoid you, this could be down to them feeling guilty or because it makes it easier for them to lie to you.
“If you feel like your partner has suddenly begun to avoid you and they don’t want to do things with you any more or they stop telling you about their day then this is another red flag.”
“Partners often avoid their spouses or tell them less about their day because cheating can be tough, remembering all of your lies is impossible and it’s an easy way to get caught out,” says Aaron.
Their libido changes
Your partner’s libido can change for a range of reasons so it may not be a sure sign of cheating but it can be a red flag according to Aaron.
Aaron says: “Cheaters often have less sex at home because they are cheating, but on occasions, they may also have more sex at home, this is because they feel guilty and use this increase in sex to hide their cheating. You may also find that your partner will start to introduce new things into your sex life that weren’t there before.”
They become negative towards you
Cheaters know that cheating is wrong and to them, it will feel good, this can cause tension and anxiety within themselves which they will need to justify.
“To get rid of the tension they feel inside they will try to convince themselves that you are the problem and they will become critical of you out of nowhere. Maybe you haven’t walked the dog that day, put the dishes away or read a book to your children before bedtime. A small problem like this can now feel like a big deal and if you experience this your partner could be cheating,” warns Aaron.
‘I blew our lives to smithereens’
Explaining he moved out temporarily for two weeks before moving back home and staying initially on the sofa, Dan says he was already back in the martial bed, just two months on.
He added: “There are good days and bad days.
“We’ve been able to go to the movies, and went to an escape room and to dinner and… we’re still able to laugh together and we’ve been able to be intimate and [I’ve] hugged and kissed her, and then other days it’s not going like that, which I completely understand.”
Taking onboard his caller’s woes, Dr John then advises: “I want to challenge you to sit down with your wife and say ‘I blew our lives to smithereens, and my ultimate dream is that you’ll rebuild something new with me.
“‘But I also know you need time to breathe, so for 30 days I’m going to [move out] and I will take care of all the bills and you’re not going to worry about anything’.
“You can’t undo what happened. The thing you can do next is to be a person of honour and high integrity moving forward.
“You need to understand from her perspective – she lost her [step]mum too. She lost everything.”
*Name has been changed.
