The news of Liam Payne’s death has hit me, a One Direction mega-fan, like a ton of bricks.
Like millions of 1D fans, I initially dismissed the rumors that he had died after falling from a Buenos Aires hotel balcony as unverified rumors.
But they were true: the pop star fell from his hotel suite in Argentina around 5 p.m. local time on Wednesday.
‘I’m reeling. Guys, you don’t understand what this means to me,” I sent to a group chat full of friends who were in disbelief.
My friend replied, “I wasn’t even a director and I feel desperate.”
Distraught doesn’t even begin to hide it.
My earliest memories of One Direction are crowding around my family’s desktop computer and watching their X-Factor videos on YouTube.
All the girls chose their favorite and I chose Liam – 14 years ago in 2010.
Liam (pictured during X Factor rehearsals in 2010) has always been my favorite because he was so nice and the ‘dad’ of the group. The news of his death hit me like a ton of bricks
I’m pictured on the far left with my sister and two family friends, before a One Direction concert in 2013
We painted red love hearts on our faces and made homemade merchandise for our first 1D concert
My sister and I listened to their first album Up All Night in the car 24/7. Even our three-year-old brother, who is now 17, sang along.
My first One Direction concert was with my little sister and family friends in 2013. We flew from Sydney to Adelaide because that was the only city where we could get tickets.
We dressed up, painted red love hearts on our faces and made homemade merchandise.
It was truly the best night of my life.
I’ve seen 1D four more times since that night and every concert has been great.
One Direction was literally everything to me and my friends, I honestly can’t explain how obsessed we were.
The way we analyzed each band member’s personality, learned the lyrics to all their songs, stayed up until 1am to make music videos, and watched every interview they did on repeat was an irrational teenage obsession.
I also have an entire Twitter account dedicated to Liam Payne, where I reposted photos of him with captions like, “HE’S SO BEAUTIFUL.” I love him so much.”
I still listen to some of their albums now and 1D was packed into my Spotify this year.
As I sit at my desk today, I feel like I could cry after hearing about Liam’s death
Pictured is a photo I took of Liam at a concert in Australia in 2015 (Niall is pictured on the left)
When 1D was in Australia, I waited outside their hotel hoping to catch a glimpse of Liam or his other bandmates; Niall, Harry, Zayn and Louis.
When Liam and Louis went surfing in Palm Beach, on Sydney’s northern beaches, I had my mother drive me there so I could try to meet them.
I took entire days off from school to follow their movements Down Under.
When I saw the news today, I immediately created a group chat and messaged the girls.
We don’t speak often, but seeing that Liam has passed away has brought us back to our teenage years and everyone is devastated.
When Zayn left One Direction I cried all the way to school on the bus and as I sat at my desk I felt like I could cry right now.
I had a Twitter account dedicated to Liam Payne where I spent hours reposting photos
Liam has always been my favorite because he was so nice and the ‘father’ of the group, so it’s just crazy that he’s dead now.
My sister and I have talked about a possible One Direction reunion at least once a month and I’m shocked that it will now never happen again.
The one benefit of the news is that you can take a trip down memory lane and relive many happy memories from a simpler time.
Hearing the news of Liam’s death is heartbreaking. It was clear he was going through a difficult time and it was so devastating that it ended this way.
