DEAR DEIDRE: THE shock of stumbling across my husband’s homemade blue films made the hair fall out of my head – literally.
We’ve been married for 23 years and I thought he was satisfied with our sex life. But judging from the contents of the secret folder I found – he has needed a lot more risk.
When the pandemic happened, my husband seemed to find it so difficult to be in the house with me 24/7.
We were arguing and he became distant. Next, he was sleeping in the spare room. I’d try to talk to him and he’d ignore me. Things went from bad to worse. I didn’t know what to do.
He went back to work and things improved. He owns three barber shops but I don’t work.
Large amounts of cash were disappearing from our bank account, but he always said it was to pay a contractor, or for a new work coffee machine.
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He then upgraded his iPad and gave our 17-year-old daughter his old one.
Tasked with clearing out his old files, I opened a couple of private ones and was so shocked with what I found.
There were lots of explicit films and videos of women engaging in sex acts with him – most of them looked like they were in their early 20s – just a few years older than our daughter.
At that moment I realised they were sex workers and that’s where all his money had been going.
I’ve been sick with worry but he’s completely oblivious. He hasn’t even spotted the growing bald patches on my head. I’m not sleeping well and I’ve lost over two stones in six months.
My hair is now coming out in lumps when I shower. I think it’s stress. We are both 47.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Alopecia is often brought on by stress so it’s no coincidence that this has happened when you’re coming to terms with this huge change in your marriage.
You must find a moment to talk to your husband and tell him how unhappy you are – and what you found. You weren’t snooping on him but the evidence was there.
Ask why he’s looking elsewhere for attention and why he’s staying with you if he’s so unhappy.
If he insists that things are good, find a local counsellor through BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) (www.bacp.co.uk, 01455 883300) so that you can decide if there’s a marriage worth salvaging.
My support pack Hair Loss will help too.
