DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend’s vain and selfish teenage daughter is coming between us.
There is simply no way that I can even think about moving in with her, until this girl has moved out.
But she knows she has got it too good and I don’t think she’s going anywhere.
I’ve got my own business, live with my disabled sister and have three great teenage kids of my own.
My girlfriend is 44 and I’m 53. Having separate homes worked up until about a year ago, when she fell pregnant by accident.
She wanted to keep the pregnancy and, although I didn’t want another child at my age, I stood by her.
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Ever since our baby daughter arrived my girlfriend has become very insistent that I move in with her.
I know she would appreciate more help with our baby, who doesn’t sleep well, but I honestly can’t face living 24/7 with her annoying teenage daughter.
She doesn’t look up when you talk to her or walk in the room, and sits on her phone at the table and is constantly filming videos or pouting for selfies.
She is 19, nearly 20 — and although she has a part-time job, she spends all her free time doing her makeup or shopping for clothes.
Her mum juggles three jobs but the daughter doesn’t contribute a penny towards the bills.
I’ve tried to suggest she could be doing more with her time, or that perhaps it would be good if she could acknowledge me when I arrive, but she simply pulls a face and goes back to her phone.
At least by living separately, I can escape. Or I worry we’d be at constant loggerheads.
My girlfriend has told me that unless we can be a proper family, she’s not sure she can have me in her life.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds like your girlfriend feels under a lot of pressure, while you understandably are reluctant to move in when you foresee more issues with her eldest.
It’s time to talk to your girlfriend and explain that, while you love her, you struggle with her daughter.
Work as a pair to deliver clear messaging, rather than just making comments yourself.
Her daughter is likely to be struggling with her new family – a new sibling and step-parent is a big change from being an only child with a single parent.
Do reach out to Family Lives, (familylives.org) which can offer you more practical help.
