A few days ago, a well-travelled, well-earning Nigerian man asked a question on Twitter, and one of the responses he got was from an apparent I Too Know aka ITK who thoroughly embarrassed himself. The ITK did not only NOT answer the question but very rudely dismissed the question, and told this man he knew nothing about (obviously) that his question indicated that he had never travelled abroad. Worse than his ignorance was his rudeness.
Yesterday, a stranger sent a mail to my business Facebook account, and when I hadn’t responded within a day, they sent a rude follow-up, demanding to know why I had ignored their mail. I don’t know what it is about Nigerians and online etiquette, but there’s certainly something fundamentally lacking.
The irony is that as Nigerians, we tend to pride ourselves on how respectful we are. Kneeling down or prostrating to greet our elders, never calling an older person by name and so on and so forth. We are quick to call out which of our ethnic groups isn’t as ‘respectful’ as the others. So I’ve been wondering why it is different on social media. Why do we not find the same level of respectful civility in cyberspace?
Perhaps, it might be that ‘levelling effect’ social media has. We tend to think that everyone behind the screen is our mate. Like someone once said, “once we dey social media, everything na banter.” Furthermore, when you think of the person behind a handle as invisible, and therefore a no one, it is probably easier to talk to them anyhow. The invisibility makes it easier to develop the level of digital boldness that is the very antithesis of the deeply-rooted respect for elders that we swear is in our DNA.
However, I am starting to think that maybe it isn’t boldness after all but a manifestation of citizens’ frustrations with their society. We know how irritable folks tend to get when they feel helpless. When fuel prices, food prices, medication prices, and school fees skyrocket; when you see things that were within your reach years ago slip out of view, and it feels like the government doesn’t care, the temptation must be great to take your frustration elsewhere. I am sure there is a term for that syndrome where the oppressed oppress those below them.
Sadly, while it may be understandable, it is not advisable, for your own good. Apart from the fact that rudeness is offensive, in today’s world, it’s never a good idea to close doors that may prove useful to you later. Social media is a powerful tool, and our digital footprint can follow us for years. Being rude to someone online today might come back to haunt you tomorrow.
People often forget that those they belittle or insult might hold the key to future opportunities, and this shortsightedness is costly. How often have we heard stories of young people (especially) who, after being dismissive or offensive online, later find themselves in the awkward position of needing help from those they once attacked, sliding into their DMs to ask for forgiveness which sometimes they do not get.
In our hyper-connected world, respect should be just as crucial in virtual spaces as it is in physical ones. It shouldn’t be abandoned just because we’re behind a screen. Arguably, the digital world, where reputations can be made or broken with a single tweet, demands even more careful interaction.
Remember that the internet never forgets. It has the memory of an elephant. Once you’ve thrown out that rude comment, sent that entitled message, or engaged in a petty argument, it leaves a digital footprint, one that could resurface when least expected. And in some cases, long after you’ve forgotten you ever sent it.
It is therefore important to always maintain a sense of decorum when dealing with people you don’t know. If you can’t be polite, don’t engage. And just for the record, if it seems like I’m ignoring you, you’re not imagining it. I most likely am. I have very little patience for rudeness and uncivility. Online or offline. And the way I deal with it is to ignore or/and block.
