DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE my wife piled on the pounds, I’ve stopped wanting sex with her.
I’m ashamed to admit this, as I know it is not “politically correct”, but I can’t help fancying slim women.
I’m 48 and she’s 46. Over the last few years, she’s gone from a trim size ten to a size 18-20.
According to her, everyone tells her she looks great.
And if anyone were to mention her excess weight, they’d be body shaming her.
The problem is, I just don’t find her sexually attractive. Although I still love her . . . her excess flab is a turnoff.
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I tried to ignore it at first, but I literally can’t perform.
Even though I haven’t told her how I feel, she must have realised.
Should I tell her to lose weight or would that make me a terrible person?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: People’s bodies do change over time, thanks to factors like pregnancy, illness or ageing.
Yours probably isn’t “perfect” either.
On some level, she must be aware of how you feel. Telling you everyone thinks she looks great could be her way of asking you to say the same.
If you love her and want a sexual relationship, you need to find a way around this. Fantasising in bed might help kickstart things.
Telling her to lose weight will make her defensive, better to suggest exercising together and cooking healthier meals.
