DEAR DEIDRE: ALTHOUGH I love him dearly, my husband is a complete pushover.
He lets everyone else take advantage of him and I’m starting to get fed up. His lack of ability to say no is also putting me off sex!
We’ve been married for eight years. I’m 34 and he’s 38, and we don’t have kids yet.
When we first met I admired him for being so kind, helpful and practical. He would always be going round to his mum’s to fix her car or her washing machine, or to a mate’s to put up shelves.
But I can now see people use him as free labour. They never give him anything in return.
And they expect, rather than ask, him to help.
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The final straw for me is that his friend has been living in our spare room – rent free – for the past six months.
He asked if he could stay for a week after a breakup – and then never left!
Of course, he hasn’t paid a penny in rent. My husband says he’s no trouble and it would be mean to throw him out.
What can I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
Deidre says:
Your husband may – unconsciously – be scared that if he says no to people, they won’t like him.
Or he may genuinely just be an altruist and enjoy helping others.
Either way, this is now affecting your marriage and sex life, so you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel.
Say it’s time for his friend to leave so you can focus on your relationship, and give your guest notice.
Suggest your husband read my support pack, Standing Up For Yourself. It will help him be more assertive without causing upset.
