DEAR DEIDRE: EVERYBODY in my student house is having sex with each other and I fear it’s going to lead to disaster.
I share digs with three girls and two other guys and I’ve had sex with two of the girls. Now I’ve learned they’ve been sleeping with the other guys too.
I’m 20 and a geography student. My housemates are aged between 20 and 22.
We’re all single and part of the same friendship group. We met in our first year at university.
Soon after we moved into the house, there was a party and everyone got very drunk.
I ended up back in my room with one of my female housemates – a girl I have fancied for ages.
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She’s got gorgeous red hair and green eyes, and very long legs.
We started kissing and ended up having sex. I couldn’t believe my luck.
A few nights later, it happened again. In the morning, I told her I’d like to have a relationship with her, but she said she only wanted casual sex.
Since then, we’ve carried on being mates, and having sex occasionally.
Not long after, one of my other female housemates came on to me and we found ourselves in the shower together, getting hot and heavy.
I told her not to tell the first girl, and she laughed. She said there were no rules in our house.
In fact, she added they’d both slept with the other guys too.
I’m really confused about what’s going on. All the bed hopping is making me feel nervous. I’m also worried it’ll affect the friendships in the house.
But I can’t talk to anyone about this. I know they’d think I was weird because what young guy doesn’t want no-strings sex on tap with good-looking girls?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You’re right to worry.
Not only could this situation lead to friendship fallouts, there’s also a risk of sexually transmitted infections and unplanned pregnancy.
Please make sure you insist on protection if you’re having sex with anyone.
And get yourself checked out at a sexual health clinic.
As a society we do expect men to be up for sex with anyone, at any time but this undermines the reality, that like women, many men want a real connection and often, relationship.
It’s fine to say no to casual sex, if you know it’s not what you want.
Talk to your friends and explain how you feel.
It might also be helpful to get some impartial, confidential advice from The Mix (themix.org.uk), who support under-25s.
