DEAR DEIDRE: DROPPING into massage parlours is part of my regular routine, but I’m panicking my need for sex is going to bankrupt me – it’s costing a fortune.
I’m a married man of 51 and my wife is 54.
We’ve been together for 22 years and I love her to bits but her multiple sclerosis is having a big impact on her health and she says she can no longer have sex with me.
I’m an electrician and I meet plenty of great women in my job, but I would never cheat with anyone connected to my work or personal life – despite my sexual frustrations.
A mate told me about a place in town where they do massages and in the evening, they offer men ‘happy endings’.
We were both having a drink at the time, so he suggested we went along when we’d finished our pints.
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We were massaged in private by some very friendly women but when mine offered me extras, I bottled it. My mate had a spring in his step when he came out, but I explained that it wasn’t for me.
I couldn’t stop thinking about it though. Was it cheating if there was no affair? I convinced myself that if my wife never found out, there would be no harm done.
The next week, I told my wife I was meeting my friend again but went straight to the massage parlour.
The masseuse gave me a very deep back and shoulders massage which was incredible and got me in the mood to pay for extras.
Now I’m hooked and I’m going every week – twice sometimes. The bank called me yesterday because I was overdrawn.
I told my wife I had to buy work supplies and used the wrong bank card. I’m scared she’s going to find out.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m not sure what it is about having sex with another woman that has convinced you that you’re not cheating. To be crystal clear you are betraying your wife.
There are other ways of being intimate without cheating so do the right thing. Vow to stop this habit and focus on your wife. Bring things back under your control and get your finances back on track.
Tell your wife that you miss the intimacy and ask whether there are things you can do for her, even if she can’t have intercourse.
My support pack called Couples Massage will help you both feel relaxed and connected and perhaps other things will happen naturally.
Please contact the Laurel Centre (thelaurelcentre.co.uk) who can help you tackle this destructive addiction.
