DEAR DEIDRE: WHILE I love my girlfriend, I don’t like her kids much and I don’t see why I should have to play happy families.
My girlfriend claims I don’t make any effort with them, so I can’t be invested in our relationship.
But I have a child of my own and don’t need or want more.
I’m 36 and she’s 40. She has two children, aged 14 and 17, and I have a seven-year-old, who lives with his mum.
We’ve been together for six months. As we both work, it can be hard to spend much time with each other.
So when I do get to see her, I want to be with her and only her.
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But she says she and her boys come as a package, and if I don’t want to do stuff with them, then I can’t be serious about her.
Part of the problem is that I don’t like her kids much.
They are rude and argumentative, and one of her sons is extremely disrespectful towards her.
I’ve told her she should not put up with this, and how to discipline him, but she doesn’t listen.
She wants us to go on holiday together with her kids, and I’ve said no. Now she says I’m not committed.
I would never ask her to choose between me and her children.
I just want her to understand that I’m not interested in becoming their dad, especially when they behave so badly.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your girlfriend and her kids come as a package, at least until they’re old enough to leave home.
It’s not realistic to expect her to go on holiday without them.
Rather than telling her how to discipline her son, which she probably sees as a criticism, ask her if she’s happy about his behaviour and tell her you hate to see her treated badly.
Discuss with her ways she might be able to deal with it.
Ultimately, if you want to be with her, you will have to compromise. Talk to her and discuss ways of having some alone time.
My support pack about blended families could be useful for you both to read.
You could also contact Family Lives for more advice (familylives.org.uk, 0808 800 2222).
